Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
