I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
