One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
