im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
