He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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