I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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