Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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