Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
