Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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