You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
