Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
