Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
