Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
