we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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