I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
