you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
