Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
