I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
