I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
