mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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