someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
