Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
