just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
