if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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