READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
