great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
