Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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