i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
