just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
