I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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