someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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