If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
