the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
