I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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