Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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