Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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