I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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