Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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