he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
