his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
