I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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