I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
