you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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