I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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