had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
