I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
