Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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