I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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