I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
