I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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